you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
