there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
