I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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