who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
