Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
