Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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