Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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