i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
this boner is exhausting
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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