you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
