Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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