I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
