haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize