Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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