worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
