Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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