11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
