Ambien. No doubt about it.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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