there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
