i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
that's an acceptable place to lick
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
