You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
