They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
