I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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