using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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