i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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