A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
