i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
