I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
