Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
