did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
