So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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