Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
