Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
