maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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