He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
