What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
