woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
