If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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