Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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