The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
