Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
