i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
