There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
