i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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