If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Randomize
