I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize