think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You ruined the universe
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize