omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
