I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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