I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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