I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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