I'm lost and stupid without you.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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