Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
