new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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