my sisters under your porch take her home
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
