mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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