So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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