Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
