If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
