sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
