Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
accomplished twins. life is a go
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize