so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
