Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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