I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
