Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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