So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
