i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
