Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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