she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
