just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize