I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
