False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
