Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
