I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
