In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
