So drunk its hurt
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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