Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
