If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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