Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
