don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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