What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
