I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize