did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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