You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
